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"Fuck Staging": 9 Best quotes from Cloud Native London 2018

Plus some bonus ones too.

Posted on September 28, 2018 by Ernesto Garbarino

These are the best statements I heard (or were shown on slides but not necessary verbalised) during the Cloud Native 2018 conference held between Wednesday, 26th and Friday, 28th September at CodeNode, London.

#9 Chris Priest

“Rent > Buy > Build”

#8 Holly Cummins

Holly Cummins

Holly Cummins

“The cloud native computing foundation is wrong … about cloud native”

“cloud native is not a synonym for microservices…if cloud native has to be a synonym for anything, it would be idempotent

“We can’t ship until we have more confidence in the quality … we may be shipping crap”

“Users will have weird behaviours”

#7 Laura Frank

“We are convinced that the people around us are outperforming us” [in reference to the problems of selection bias]

#6 Daniel Maher

Daniel Maher

Daniel Maher

“Orchestrated containers don’t even last a day”

“In average, Kubernetes is mostly used to orchestrate off-the-shelf software such as Nginx”

#5 Daniel Bryant

“Our jobs as consultants is often that of software psychologists”

#4 Daniel Bass

“Serverless is a misnomer; there are servers. It is not magic.”

#3 Kris Nova

Kris Nova

Kris Nova

“Everything is now software and the OSI model doesn’t matter anymore”

“There is not such thing as a container”

“Always build things you can repeat them”

#2 Sam Newman

“People who invest in private clouds rarely seem to know how to measure success”

“Hybrid Cloud: Ok, we are going to hedge our bets using a magical brokerage layer that provides a nice API for, say, AWS, and an on-premise platform”

“Entering a ticket into JIRA is not an on-demand service”

“Amazon sells books; AWS is a hobby for them” [in reference to the AWS’s perception in 2009]

“Putting up with the shitty status quo means you might avoid costs later but you’ll definitively pay for it now in terms of opportunity cost”

#1 Charity Majors

Charity Majors

Charity Majors

“Fuck staging!”

“Staging is a black hole for engineering time”

“Testing in Production. You do it. You have to do it. Do it well.”

“Watch it [your software] in production. Accept no substitute”

“The only good diff is a red diff”

“Servers are an increasingly useless abstraction. Useful to infrastructure engineers, but not to app developers”

“Your system is never entirely up. Many catastrophic states exist at any given time”

“Observability: The health of the system is irrelevant. The health of each individual request is of supreme consequence.”

“Zero users care what the system health is. All users care about is THEIR experience”

“Dashboards are the worst. Fuck dashboards”

“No amount of lag is acceptable, really”

“Aggregation is a one-way trip. Destroying raw events eliminates your ability ask new questions. Forever”

“WTF do I monitor for?”